After 19 years, Ellen is hanging up the microphone. Just as Oprah had helped end racism by becoming the black best friend to millions of white suburban soccer moms, Ellen has helped end homophobia by becoming their gay best friend. Both women would rank among the World’s most admired people and by given the Medal of Freedom by President Obama.

But sadly, with the advent of social media, jealous losers started to tear Ellen down with stories of how mean she supposedly is behind the scenes (which only made me like her more). Celebrities also began to complain about how mean Ellen was to them. The snowflake generation was especially offended when Ellen coerced Maria Carey into revealing she was pregnant by offering her whine on TV. When her staff began to complain that she was mean to them too and when a sexual harassment scandal involving her producer broke into the spotlight, the powers that be decided it would be Ellen’s final season.

But she had a great run, and daytime TV is a dying medium anyway. Back in 1992, Oprah had 9 million daily viewers in just America alone (one in 20 U.S. adults) giving her God-like power over the culture, but today, with competition from hundreds of cable channels, streaming and social media, the highest rated day-time talk shows are watched by only 2 million American (one in 109 U.S. adults). There are kids on tik tok that sometimes get more viewers. Ellen is smart to jump off that sinking ship while she still has some culture cred left.

Ever since covid, Oprah has refused to leave her six mansions (especially not her $100 million home in Santa Barbara or her 100 acre pad in Maui) but last year she told Ellen she would make a rare exception for Ellen’s final season. But when negative publicity was making Ellen’s brand toxic, would Oprah break her promise?

HELL NO! She would be there in the flesh to support her friend! Having the World’s most influential woman making a rare appearance to celebrate Ellen’s final week meant that Ellen would go out on top!

When Ellen announced her next guest was Oprah, the studio audience full of beautiful suburban white women absolutely lost it. They were screaming and crying for three minutes straight as Oprah, whose sky blue shirt complemented her gorgeous black skin walked onto the stage. When the crowd finally subdued, Oprah told Ellen to enjoy these glory days, because there will never ever, ever again be a time like this.