Time magazine just released their list of the 100 most influential people on the planet and once again, Oprah has made the list. Being listed as one of the 100 most influential by the ultimate cultural authority is such a huge honor that if you make the list even once, it goes in the first paragraph of your wikipedia, but Oprah has made it an astonishing 11 times.

When Oprah first started in the 1970s, it was a huge disadvantage to be black but she’s managed to dominate the culture so long that being black is now almost an advantage in life as corporations like Time compete to show their wokeness. Intelligence is the ability to adapt to even hostile environments, and when you adapt long enough, you live to see those environments become friendly.

But far too brilliant to leave anything to chance, Oprah learned very quickly who has power and how to get on their good side. When Stephen Spielberg was on the cover of Time magazine circa 1985, Oprah was reading it.

“Put that stuff away,” he snapped at her.

“STUFF?” yelled Oprah, “STUFF? STUFF? STUFF?. This isn’t STUFF!!! This is TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIME!” she shrieked, “this isn’t STUFF?…This is Time’o’la! This is the print World’s Coca-cola!”

“I don’t read the good stuff,” said Spielberg, “so I don’t have to believe the bad”.

Time magazine may have heard about this famous exchange between the two show business heavyweights, and may help explain why she’s been honored by the magazine more frequently than any other woman, and rightfully so.

When Oprah first started in media, we were living under WASP rule so Oprah would cleverly suck-up to people like Johnny Carson.

However after doing a show on Satanic worship, Oprah found herself in BIG BIG trouble.

The show accidentally promoted the age-old antisemitic stereotype that Jews were Satanists to millions and millions of viewers. Despite the fact that she was the #1 talk show on TV, it looked like she was going to be taken off the air as Jewish groups were demanding she be cancelled.

Fortunately Oprah was able to adapt by figuring out which of the angry Jews had the most power and negotiating a compromise in which Oprah would release a statement admitting her show may have caused harm. Oprah was so grateful to this one powerful Jewish man who saved her show, that when he died, Oprah attended his funeral.

“What is she doing here?” the other Jews wondered.

“He did me a favour once” said Oprah, sensing their curiosity.

“What was the favour?”

“I’m not saying”

Another smart move. Why remind Jews that she once did a show that so unfairly harmed them.

Having won over Time magazine by badgering Stephen Spielberg, Oprah brilliantly sensed an opportunity to win over the Jewish community since by now they were more powerful than even WASPS.

A black lady on her show said The Piano should win the Oscar for best picture. Sensing her opportunity, Oprah moved in for the kill.

“The Piano over Schinlder’s List? THE PIANO OVER CHANGING LIVES!!!” Oprah yelled indignantly.

A Jewish old lady in the studio audience punched the air in solidarity with Oprah’s anger and God only knows how many more did the same from home.

Such cunning genius paid off. In 2006 Oprah was crowned the ONLY person worthy of visiting Auschwitz with Elie Wiesel. Not even U.S. presidents, royalty, Nobel Prize winners or the Holiest Jews were considered worthy of visiting those sacred grounds with Wiesel herself, and even though she knew little about the Holocaust, she adapted by repeating everything Wiesel said back to him in sacred whisper.

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